Riding along in the car yesterday...
Kid: "Mom, what's a redneck?"
Mom (me): "Hmmm, let's see. A redneck is a derogatory term, for the most part. One people use to describe a person, a southerner, who talks slow and sounds dumb when they do. Doesn't necessarily mean they're dumb, just that they sure sound like it whenever they open their mouth. Or a redneck can be used to describe people who live in the country, and, uh, don't go to fancy restaurants all the time like we do in Atlanta. They don't have Whole Foods on every corner... stuff like that."
Silence from backseat. Then...
Kid, very indignant, near tears: "Well, Grammy (my mother) lives in the country and she's not dumb! She used to teach school!"
Me: "Yeah, she shops at Whole Foods too."
Another long silence...
Kid: "I don't think I know any rednecks."
Sometimes, it's best just to say nothing.
Showing posts with label rednecks. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rednecks. Show all posts
Saturday, June 16, 2007
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Ain't My Cousin Did That
Ok, 'fess up. Who's country-ass redneck relations are dumping gators in the Chattahoochee? Bet it was someone YOU know!
Friday, June 08, 2007
Southern IQ Test
(I love these things!)
1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.
2. Which of the following cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard? 66 Ford Fairlane, 69 Chevrolet Chevelle, 64Pontiac GTO?
3. If your uncle builds a still that operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine per hour, how many car radiators are necessary to condense the product?
4. A pulpwood cutter has a chain saw that operates at 2700 rpm. The density of the pine trees in a plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many BudweiserTallboys will it take to cut the trees?
5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the decrease in the ozone layer?
6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a fieldrock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1 inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how manyhound dogs will be killed?
7. A man owns an Tennessee house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with anaverage slope of 15%. The man has 5 children. Can each of the children place a mobile home on the man's land?
8. A 2-ton pulpwood truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down asteep grade on a secondary road at 45 mph. The brakes fail. Given the average traffic loading of secondary roads, what are the chances that it will strike a vehicle that has a muffler?
9. A coal mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during theshift?
10. At a reduction in gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town that has been bypassed by the interstate to breed a country-western singer ?
1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.
2. Which of the following cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard? 66 Ford Fairlane, 69 Chevrolet Chevelle, 64Pontiac GTO?
3. If your uncle builds a still that operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine per hour, how many car radiators are necessary to condense the product?
4. A pulpwood cutter has a chain saw that operates at 2700 rpm. The density of the pine trees in a plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many BudweiserTallboys will it take to cut the trees?
5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the decrease in the ozone layer?
6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a fieldrock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1 inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how manyhound dogs will be killed?
7. A man owns an Tennessee house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with anaverage slope of 15%. The man has 5 children. Can each of the children place a mobile home on the man's land?
8. A 2-ton pulpwood truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down asteep grade on a secondary road at 45 mph. The brakes fail. Given the average traffic loading of secondary roads, what are the chances that it will strike a vehicle that has a muffler?
9. A coal mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during theshift?
10. At a reduction in gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town that has been bypassed by the interstate to breed a country-western singer ?
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Fly That Fucktard Flag
The numbers are in. Despite high-rise living, martinis and tapas every two blocks, metro Atlanta is still filled with country-fried rednecks. I wish I could take the long way home, but as the 'olde saying goes, "Wherever you go, there you are." Sigh...
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