ATL's Mike Alvear On NYC TV

Relationship guru, Atlantan Michael Alvear, is getting ready to go big with his video sharing advice site BlabberMash.com, soon as it's out of Beta that is. He's already hitting the morning talk show circuit with a BlabberMash tag. Watch that here to find out what not to do, and what to do, if you find yourself falling for a friend. Yikes.

If you're a gay man, you likely know all about Mike. If not, you may recognize him from HBO's Sex Inspectors. I'm looking forward to seeing him all over the media soon with BlabberMash, which is for anyone of any sexual inclination or gender who might need just a little more feedback on their relationship, uh, trajectory. And don't we all?

BlabberMash Update

Not so fast... BlabberMash isn't launching today. Yesterday's announcement was a little premature. Kinda like you used to be way back when, eh? Look for site to go live later in the month. In the meantime, enjoy a little extended foreplay on the BlabberMash YouTube channel. She'll like you better for it. Especially if you win the dough offered in the O-Face contest.

Hmmm... now there's an extra bonus feature Shelby could get outta that chicken costume!

Definition Of A Loser

I've been easily amused all my life. I will laugh, heartily, at just about anything. Always have, always will: Johnny Carson, Jeff Foxworthy, Jon Stewart, Lilly Tomlin, Madeline Kahn, Gilda Radner, Richard Pryor, John Cleese, The Cable Guy, Lewis Black, Graham Chapman, Flip Wilson, Gene Wilder... you get the point.

Heck, I thought Bush's jokes at this year's White House Correspondents dinner were freakin' hilarious. (Wonder who the writer was?) Arianna Huffington on Larry King Live last night was not amused, but that's beside the point here. (Karl Rove rapping however was hard to take.)

I'm not too easily offended either. I have a notoriously (for my immediate family) crude sense of humor not all of 'em share by any means. I once laughed my big ass off when, years ago, I chanced upon a homemade porn tape in a WSB camera, one likely made in a drunken stupor and then left there by a really really dumb colleague, then discovered the next day by me during a stint of misguided freelancing at that lunatic asylum. It never even occurred to me to "tell on him." I just handed the tape over to one of the budding film maker's buddies, assuring that the story of the homemade porn tape would circulate like wildfire around that juvenile detention center masquerading as a TV station. After watching it again.

But this promo for a book here was sincerely offensive to me. It was so simplistic, so crude, juvenile, coarse and just pathetic all around. Utterly devoid of any wit and cleverness. Just simply appalling, pathetic LGB: Loser Guy Behavior. As utterly average, as plebeian as Americans can be. And we wonder why foreigners not only hate us, but laugh at us behind our backs.

The worse part though is that it was touted, Twittered I should say, by a guy I thought, until now, was really seriously cool, a (previously) witty, honest, razor-sharp kinda guy. The kinda guy I'd love to have met-up with, if he wasn't married that is, and flirt about with a bit at, say... a conference or something.

Is this kinda TMI humor funny to other people? I'm sure it is. I just hope it's not the people I like and admire.

The big irony is that if the guy I do have a serious, real-time crush on was to ever post anything like this, admiringly, on his blog, well... the chances of him ever getting a blow-job from me would plummet to a needlessly frittered away -- absolute zero.

Standing On The Shoulders Of Titans...

... and not falling off! Now that is a cool new trick for women in media and Corporate Land, as typically it's the woman who usually ends up "stepping down" (being asked to leave) when there's even the slightest wiff of, uh, "potentially compromising interplay." (I quote myself there.)

In this particularly intriguing World 'O Busy-ness situation, involving Maria Bartiromo of CNBC and Todd S. Thomson, then chief executive of Citigroup’s wealth management arm, it's the man who got the "abrupt departure" treatment. And the lady in question has kept her job.

Quite a role reversal, as usually the woman is the first to get beheaded on the block of "impropriety." In fact, the woman in "one of these" has traditionally been the only party who ends-up getting canned. Lord knows how many women Peter Jennings poked at ABC News during his brilliant career, and he didn't budge for one iota off his throne until stricken with a fatal disease. The women, well.... I shan't talk too much outta school even if I am a drop-out! (Oh the tales I could tell...)

From today's NYT:

Socializing with sources is a long journalistic tradition, especially for television personalities whose renown often allows them to travel in the same elite circles as their subjects. But for Ms. Bartiromo, who accompanied Mr. Thomson last fall on Citigroup’s corporate jet to a series of client and other bank-sponsored functions in China, her ability to gain entree into the exclusive and mostly male world of chief executives and financial titans has made her a valuable commodity to CNBC.

UPDATE: What was I just saying?!! Although I'd lose ANY job out there just to join the Mile High Club with... gasp.... Ralph Fucking Fiennes. I always knew I should have been a stewardess. Gawd, I gotta go, uh, calm down. Just the thought of being vertical with him at 45K feet makes me, uh, crazy.

HT: PS

John Edwards Plays The Donald

...and gives bloggers a second chance. Did the un-fired gal bloggers cry their mascara off for the media too? Get to keep their bloggerati crowns? Have to go to re-hab? Maybe they should to help further any lingering campaign issues.

My my my. The boy Edwards' and his people have a spine! And they aren't afraid to flex it. I'm loving this. Chalk one up for those "liberal feminist blogger" types. (And Sara/James: you'd have sold us down the river pretty quick-like, eh? I'll remember that.) From today's NYT:

Mr. Edwards announced on Thursday, after 36 hours of deliberation, that he would keep on his campaign staff two liberal feminist bloggers with long cybertrails of incendiary comments on sex, religion and politics. Mr. Edwards could keep the women on his staff and have to answer for the sometimes vulgar and intemperate writings posted on their personal blogs before he hired them late last month. He could dismiss them and face a revolt in the liberal blogosphere, which is playing an increasingly influential role in Democratic politics and could be especially important to his populist campaign. Some bloggers saw the controversy as manufactured by conservative groups.

Most importantly:

He (Edwards) also said he would not allow his campaign to be “hijacked” by religious conservatives who had pointed out the bloggers’ most provocative comments and demanded their dismissal.

Well... back to the cauldron for me! Gotta go stir-up lots more "incendiary" comments on sex, religion and politics. There's a lucrative future in it now.

True Confession: I'm totally sucked into Anna Nicole Autopsy Watch. Yeah, so who's the media 'ho now?!

Start The Clock

Countdown to The Shins' new release, Wincing The Night Away... only 8 more days to go. I cannot freakin' wait. The best part? Imagining who I'd fuck for the first time while listening to that for the first time. The sound. The intensity. The lingerie. (Always black.) The wine? Beer? Oh wow. Girls get OFF on that kinda thing.

And WolfeMan, if you didn't live in bf Brazil (where you're likely getting more than your fair share already) and didn't have really bad hair, you'd be on the short list fer sure.

Free The Country Club Ho's!

Honestly, call these suburban call gals what you will, but be sure you call 'em rich! Thanks for the golf course tip, PS. No doubt more lives have been ruined out there in Gwinnett by small minds-at-large rather than prostitution.

Slut-Be-Gone!

So... should the word "slut" be banned from the English language? Should immigrants thus be required to learn a version of our language that does not include calling a slut a slut? A spade a spade? Should that good 'ole timey trash talkin' be banished from the Dirty South, and elsewhere?

When did sex become Absolute Righteous Sex? Hey, don't ask me. I'm a forty-something soccer mom. What in the world would I know about the path to the feminine divine, or towards divine sexual liberation for that matter? Apparently, and applied liberally, sexual freedom now gets one a free pass into World of Sex Industry Support and Land of Porn Glorification. Hey, let's tell our daughters all about it! Or let 'em read more here.

As for the bs stuff, as the olde saying goes, never EVER bullshit a bullshitter. You simply won't win that one.

No Panties? They Have No Hair!

So the Uber Sluts, Britney and Lindsay, get snapped without their undies. So what. What they're missing is their freakin' hair!

Having once made the painful mistake of having it all ripped-off, in a ludicrous language barrier breakdown of communication between me and a well-meaning but illiterate Vietnamese salon gal, all I can say is NEVER again. Not only is it extremely painful, utter pandering to the latest sex trend, you only end-up looking like a pitiful, naked hamster.

My experience in extreme waxing only brought about a highly unusual bout of self-loathing and a (temporary) revert to a juvenile, hyper-obsession with one's body parts. I hate that my normally robust ego had to suffer that way. Never again.


This post put together to Patty Griffin's Impossible Dream.
All you kids get out the back door. I've never seen her this way before.

Crush With Longevity

Oh yum! A mad crush I had about twenty years ago, Tim Nielsen of Drivin' n' Cryin', is STILL totally hot. Take a peak at the pictures from a recent show. Tim looks like he could even have brain activity by now. Hot hot hot middle-aged stuff!!!

Someone Is More Pissed Off Funny Than You

And I found him! The dude, Bob Lefsetz, is an aging, ugly and angry music biz attorney who truly answers to no one. In other words, one of the last great pompous shagger types, full of shit and full of themselves, the kinda guys who were just crazy-great in bed -- before the years of getoverself-medication took their best parts away and left them to, at last, overwork their mighty fine brains instead. Whether with prescriptions or booze, it seems to happen to the best of 'em. But I diverge.

Bobby "Lestat's" caustic honesty is wicked, hilarious and unflinching -- unrivaled by any, except for the great DTL. (Oh, don't you too wish that boy would blog?? Think of the chick-fans who would line-up to do his, uh, bidding! Some of 'em might be a little matronly and grey at this point, but the feminine vital skills get nothing but better with age. That's the rub isn't it? And you dumb fucks out there chasing young trim are so missing out on the good stuff, besides being laughed at royally behind your backs.) Anyways, I diverge again...

Here's an excerpt from Ugly Bobby -- the best blogger out there. Full blog here:

Oh, don’t you LAUGH when baby boomers start railing against MySpace? These same personages who hitchhiked all over America are fearful that Little Benjamin and Madison are too fucking dumb to ferret out true from false online and some bogeyman is going to knock on the front door, since the kids proferred their address and cell number, and whisk them away into slavery, if not DEATH!

We live in a land of rampant falsehoods perpetrated by baby boomers all proffered in the name of keeping those uttering them in CONTROL! You doubt me? Just look at the President.

WARNING: I don't recommend subscribing to his stuff though, as he's totally manic and your Inbox will get flooded with ranting. Then again, maybe that's your kinda thing. Just more advice you didn't ask for.

HA-HA NOTE: I may be the last person in America to have seen these, but Gawd, they will crack you the fuck up! Thanks Tania, for the clue-in. I can't stop watching! Hilarious. It's good stuff, especially if you loathe Fundies. (Oh jeez, it just gets worse and worse as it plays out.)

This post put together by DrivinNCryin: "Playing records, Patti Smith and Howlin' Wolf." A special prize to the first person who can name the song & LP that line is from.

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