Bigger Than Jesus

Halloween is overtaking Christmas as the most over-the-top holiday of the year. We've already gone through two costume changes, two parties, one Harry Potter dinner, a monster truck-load of candy corn (me), and the damn day's not even here. After viewing her best friend's front yard, wildly decorated to within every blade of grass with a host of holy ghosties and webbing and tombstones and scattered bones, my daughter exclaimed, "Wow. This is amazing. We've got to catch-up, Mom."

Sorry, wee one. That one smallish pumpkin on the walkway and the lovely picture you made at school now taped to the front door is about it for our association-ruled house. And that $4 plastic light-up jack-o-lantern that burns through battery life faster than a laptop. Now go forth and create yet another costume, the most popular this year being the $10 "Mean Evil" (Medieval) Princess gown found on the half-price rack at Eckerd's. It needed only a few additions from mommy's infinitely coveted accessory closet.

And yeah, all you Harry Potter haters, the Three Hermiones were from a Harry Potter-themed dinner, sponsored by *** Holy Gospel According To Hogwarts, Batman *** our church. Take that, you fucktard Gwinnettian.