Thursday, February 09, 2006

Mistaken Epiphany

In more News From Space, I've had a really wacky go of things lately whereby I:

A.) Thought the suburbs were cool.
B.) Felt that maybe Bill Campbell wasn't such a bad guy after all.

I'm still plagued by the astonishing discovery last week, en route to a suburban ice rink, again, that out there in the deepest of 'burbs, almost exurb territory, lies this great, new fast-food franchise which serves-up wonderfully fresh, healthy, cheap food.

("And what were you doing lurking in the 'burbs," you mutter? I had, foolishly, allowed my child to watch the U.S. Figure Skating Championships recently on TV. As a result, she now has visions of spinning herself into a coma while dressed like a grinning pole dancer, and as there are no ice rinks conveniently located at, say, Ansley Mall... you get the picture. And you know what iced madness begins tonight...)

Back to the story at hand... Take for example this $2 salad:

There just isn't any place in-town where you can get a $2 salad of this caliber. Why not? Why do we have to pay, for starters, about $7 for something similar? Man, if I was an entrepreneurial kinda gal, I'd sink some serious money into Artuzzi's, a new franchise owned and operated by the Moe's people. These folks know what they're doing.

So, I start thinking that the 'burbs could be tolerated, even appreciated, and that maybe there could be Artuzzi's and dirt cheap gyms on every inner city street corner, and that way we could fix the national health crisis. Then I looked around at all the bland, fat people all over the 'burbs and thought, "F-it. I'm headed back to town," whereby I ran promptly right into a slim, quite nice-looking Bill Campbell at a Midtown pub.

As Hiz DisHonor was moreorless blocking the door to the entrance of the place, I had no choice but to extend my hand and say something. I wanted to say, "Hey, didn't I just see you on Channel 2 in a courtroom sketch/drama about 1/2 hour ago," as I'd actually just seen such a sight. Instead, I summoned all my Raised Right Southern Girl powers and muttered something about, "Seems to be going well for you. As much as one can tell about that sort of thing."

Good Lord, what was I thinking? I have no EARTHLY idea how federal, mayoral corruption trials are supposed to be going. Talk about making nice-nice on the fly. I do know that the Campbell trial is the best thing not really on TV we're not really following. Why not is beyond me, as this trial has got it all: cheatin' hearts, sychophants, fools, court jesters, super-sized egos, trips to Paris, illicit behavior, disgraced anchorettes, lame efforts at discretion, sex, cash, cash, cash, more sex, gambling, more gambling... and we haven't even gotten to the Bad Mayorin' part yet!

Perhaps one day there will be cameras in federal courtrooms. If not, maybe in the meantime, a truly independent, (credentialed) genuine blogger at least, with a front row seat to the best show in town who can offer up the sights, sounds and scents of what could be a media orgy of outbursts, contrition, threats, tears, shouts, greed, lust, megalomania, guilt, despair, fallibility, denial, and on and on and on. Yep, it's got it goin' on.

But until such a glaring need is filled, we are reduced to reading tedious, flavorless, same ole same ole AP-style notations from yet another pulse-free reporter with corporate-designated space on a silly website that MSM (Main Stream Media) laughably packages as something a costly, bullshit marketeer told them was a "blog."

Will MSM ever get it? We're not the fools the AJC takes us to be; if those things are blogs, then I'm the illegitimate love-child of Karl Rove and Betty Friedan. Jermaine Dupri and Anne Cox Chambers? Saxby Chambliss and Jane Fonda? Elton John and Sam Massell? Ashley Smith and Clark Howard?

Before I let ya' go, let the record show that Yahoo Inc. is assisting Big Brother. Shame, shame, shame. Li Zhi good man. Yahoo bad, very bad.

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