This is kinda strange and unexpectedly bizarre... to read Tania's account of how the piece of Emory grad school trash that broke-up her first marriage contacted her out of the blue, via her blog. Unbelievable.
Tania used to send me poems she wrote about the death spiral of that marriage for my now-defunct website, in the dot bomb days, WaySouth.com. (I miss that zine. It was so pretty; before websites were pretty.) You've never read anything so raw and seething and just plain soaked in pain and memory with odd spikes of hope as some of those poems. They're available in her book. I hope she won't mind me re-printing one here.
Why I Still Cry at Weddings
I'd like to tell you it's because
I sense the priest is a pedophile,
or know the pianist beats
his wife because she stutters.
I want to say the church is too hot,
that the depiction of an angel
holding John the Baptist's head
like she's about to drop-kick it
scares me; that I'm whoozy
from the godawful heat
and the blood oozing from the lamb
in stained glass. I'd mention
bad dresses snatched from the backs
of closets, safe mauves, and pantyhose.
I could claim memories
of my own failed marriage, like tiny
glass shards in my fingertips, still hurt
when I press down, though I only
glimpse them in a certain light;
claim I've forgotten what it was like
to look at him the way
this bride is looking at this groom,
the way her father looks at her
mother, swept into the vortex
that is past and future all at once,
a shuffle of snapshots—first grade,
the goofy kid at the birthday party,
prom. But it's because her gown
says This is the ball,
and midnight is a long way off;
and because I'm in love again,
which is akin to believing
in my own immortality:
so much hope in one room.