Monday, December 04, 2006

Put A Stake In It, That Southern Culture Is Dead

Faulkner's not dead; he was just passed-out drunk in his coffin all this time. Talk about dredging-up the past and going places maybe we just shouldn't be going... now some wretched Faulkner family member has sold a vampire script Faulkner wrote in his I'm Really Hammered phase, one that went on for over a decade, to a Hollywood producer. The producer seems deeply enamored, bless his heart, with that absurdist stereotype of some moss-ridden, Hazel Motes-y (or is that O'Conner?) "Deep South" naturally enough. From The Guardian:
Faulkner's estate has given the script to Lee Caplin, a producer who says he would like to set it in the Deep South. Little more is known but there is a revival of interest in adapting Faulkner's work to the screen. It is said Oprah Winfrey wants to make Light in August and Caplin is looking for a writer to adapt Faulkner's 1935 story Golden Land (the only tale he actually set in Hollywood) in the twisted style of a David Lynch film.

So Big Oprah and some fucktard producer who thinks that that drooling, fake gothicist David Lynch is no doubt a brilliant filmmaker are waiting in the wings to leech off the rest of the backwater vapors? Deep South is cool, eh? Most real southerners are so Deep South stupid they'd confuse Faulkner with Colonel Sanders, although he looks an awful lot like an aging Billy Bragg in the above snapshot. (He too likes the ladies much I hear.)

How about methed-out rednecks, mega-church mentalities, gated communities, ghetto culture, I Heart Bush stickers plastered on pickup trucks, fat developers in pink shorts on manufactured golf courses, Wal-Marts and NASCAR nowadays, you clueless Hollywood dickheads? Who'd want to film that crap?


possum said...

The producer wants to set a Faulkner story in the Deep South? Where else would he put it, the Bronx? Jeez louise, where do these people come from? Has it occurred to anyone that with all these fucktard -- thank you for this rich addition to my vocabulary -- Republicans roaming the South that there will never be another intelligent book out of our region?
And yes, Hazel Motes was the hero of Flannery O'Conner's "Wise Blood." In the movie, directed by John Huston, Hazel is played by the great Brad Dourif. Who could ask for more?

Grayson said...

Well, it is a vampire flick, so I assume those are traditionally Deep Eastern European. They were able to completely ruin Cold Mountain by filming it in Romania instead of Western North Carolina though, so maybe we can reverse and return the favor. Heck, there's even a Transylvania County in N.C.! I know it well. Likley Eric Rudolf does too, but now we're mixing apples and oranges.

More fucktard per square foot here too.