Saturday, February 03, 2007

Chihuahua Poops On Media Whore's Head

Caren West of The Sunday Paper has deep and abiding issues with other women. Of course, anything odd or foreign and not chock full of unearned platitudes and teeny-bopper cliches about her (Ms. West's) divine ability to take a breath on this planet become Crazy Angry Bitches. Clever, eh? Being a CAB sure beats flying one's dipshit, drunkard flag every week in an ass-wipe paper no person of substance would ever be caught reading. (Just mediocre bloggers apparently.)

I'm sure Laura Mallory could use a copywriter if Ms. West runs out of shoes, chihuahuas and vomit to babble on about. And I hear Ralph Reed's back too! She could stick her limp-haired head up his Mighty-Righty Christian ass -- for money, just like that adorable little Baron cupcake at "TSP" once did.

Shoot, West could just click-off down the hallway in full femme prattle to ask Baron how one does perform a freakshow media-whore act of that magnitude. She (Baron) wrote the texbook after all. Then again, West would have to pull her head outta the Turner-Seydel-Daddy's-Money, do-gooder green butthole first. Tough 'ho-choices, eh?

NOTE: Caren hon, I won't go too hard on you in the SGR, here on out, if you say in your next column that I'm actually quite pretty, a fabulous writer and that my blog deserves to be on the cover of The Economist. If you don't, well then.... may the best bullshitter win! It is seriously tough, tough, tough, tough, tough being a poor relation in this cold, cruel world. I would know.

8 comments:

possum said...

I've always enjoyed Lisa Baron's writing about her body parts, as in "My Big Cavernous Pit of Love," which is sort of the Vagina Monologues of the right-wing PR set. It's hard to track down Lisa's magnum opus, but you can find it in the Sunday Paper archives. It was on 12/11/05 -- AS IF WE COULD FORGET!! And Caren has always been cool, the way she writes such nice things about clients who are PAYING HER WRITE NICE THINGS!!!

Grayson said...

Link to Gaping Vagina article is here, just scroll down to 12/11/05 and click-in:

http://www.sundaypaper.com/NEWS/News/NewsArchives/tabid/202/articleType/CategoryView/categoryId/16/Life--Lisa-Baron.aspx

andisheh said...

Dear Ms. Blogger-

Your blog contains several factual errors.

1. Ms. Caren West is not a columnist. She's a publicist whose press releases appear in The Sunday Paper.

2. Ms. Caren West was not referring to you when typed the words "mediocre blogger." Ms. West only writes about her PR clients. Since you're not one of her clients, there's no way she was referring to you.

3. The Sunday Paper is much better for kindling than ass-wiping.

I'm actually typing this from my office inside Lisa Baron's vagina. It's so roomy!

Grayson said...

You oughtta try blogging from up Ralph Reed's butt. Kinda tight I hear. Jack's about hidden every asset from the IRS there.

Amber said...

...her (Ms. West's) divine ability to take a breath on this planet...

LOL!!!

I may have to quote you on that, one day.

Charlie said...

How are those extra web hits working out for you, everytime you use Ms. West's name? Here- let me help you- West, Ms. West, , Caren, Caren West, Caren West PR, Westward, South by Southwest....that should get a few more folks to swing by.

Cheers.

Grayson said...

Charlie, believe me, having THAT woman's name on my blog is a liability. No worry though as I'm fully insured.

Victor said...
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